Beiträge von Texel

  • ...Humor...

    These are entries to a Washington Post competition ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

    1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
    Marrying you has screwed up my life.

    2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
    That's why I always wake up screaming.

    3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
    This describes everything you are not.

    4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
    But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

    5. I thought that I could love no other
    -- that is until I met your brother...

    6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
    But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

    7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
    But don't take that paper bag off your face.

    8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
    Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

    9. My love, you take my breath away.
    What have you stepped in to smell this way?

    10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
    Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

    11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
    Two parts vodka, one part lime.

    WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING?

  • Passivhaus / Niedrigenergiehaus / Neue Technologien

    Ganz Deiner Meinung :thumbup:

    ...teure Experimente mit Technik die begeistert und beschleunigt von orientierungslosen Politikern :lol:

    Grüße
    Andreas

  • spruch des tages

    ....aaach Kleinkram, das war neulich schlimmer. :D Geht schnell wieder weg. Die letzten Winter habe ich es nicht bereuht, ihn angemeldet zu lassen. :) Ich gebe aber zu, dass ich für den Extremfall einen Plan B mit vier Rädern habe und dass ich (leider) im Flachland wohne.

    Grüße
    Andreas

  • ...Humor...

    Ein Student fällt bei der Klausur in »Logistik + Organisation« durch.


    Student: »Sie bestrafen mich? Verstehen Sie überhaupt etwas davon?«
    Professor: »Ja, sicher, sonst wäre ich nicht Professor!«

    Student: »Gut, ich will Sie etwas fragen, wenn Sie die richtige Antwort geben, nehme ich meinen Fünfer und gehe. Wenn Sie jedoch die Antwort nicht wissen, geben Sie mir eine Eins.«
    Professor: »Wir machen das Geschäft.«


    Student: »Was ist legal aber nicht logisch, logisch aber nicht legal und weder logisch noch legal?« Der Professor kann ihm auch nach langem Überlegen keine Antwort geben und gibt ihm eine Eins.


    Danach ruft der Professor seinen besten Studenten und gibt ihm die gleiche Frage.

    Dieser antwortet sofort: »Sie sind 63 Jahre alt und mit einer 35-jährigen Frau verheiratet, dies ist legal, jedoch nicht logisch. Ihre Frau hat einen 25-jährigen Liebhaber, dies ist zwar logisch aber nicht legal. Sie geben dem Liebhaber Ihrer Frau eine Eins, obwohl er durchgefallen wäre, das ist weder logisch, noch legal.«

  • spruch des tages

    Zitat

    Original von julia_wien
    man denke nun an den einwinterungs-thread :lol: :twisted:

    ...nie zuende gelesen, habe mich aber heute bei einer wunderbaren Tour bei herrlichem Sonnenschein wieder gefragt, warum man sich das antut?!?!? :twisted:


    Zitat

    Original von julia_wien
    ...was wahres dran..wir sind schon sehr heikel?!!

    UND WIR STEHEN DAZU!!! :D :D :D


    Grüße
    Andreas


    PS: ...räusper, ähm... Alexander, geht das auch mit kaltem Öl?

  • ...Humor...

    One dark night in the small town of Woopwoop, W.A, a fire started
    Inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

    When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, 'All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me.'

    But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.

    Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Baringa volunteer fire department composed mainly of Aboriginal firefighters over the age of 65.

    To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Aboriginal firefighters, passed the fire engines parked outside the plant, and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Aboriginal old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives.. Within a short time, the Baringa old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.

    The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was raising the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Aboriginal firefighters.

    A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Aboriginal fire chief, 'What are you going to do with all that money?'
    'Well,' said Chief Billy Cokebottle, the 70-year-old fire chief, 'de first ting we gonnna do is fix dem brakes on dat farkin old truck, eh!!'

  • ...Humor...

    Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something "Christmassy".

    The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

    The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

    The third man pulls out a pair of panties.

    Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

    The third man answered "They're Carol's."

  • ...Humor...

    One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

    When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

    Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

    When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

    Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great Christmas tree.

    The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

    Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

  • ...Humor...

    An ad found in the Canberra Times, Personal Section:
    I reckon this bloke should have got a few replies simply for taking the time to think of this!

    Wanted A tall well-built woman with good
    reputation, who can cook frogs
    legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
    schia garden, classic music and tal-
    king without getting too serious.

    Interested?
    Then please only read lines 1, 3 and 5;
    still interested?
    Call me at...... 8250-0327