Ist doch überall so, oder? 
...Humor...
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Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from TexasA&MUniversity has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and prevents
the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.
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....für den gepflegten Silberrücken!
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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent.'
'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay.' -
Aus der Sparte berühmte letzte Worte...
Beifahrer: "Rechts ist gut"
Elektriker: "Geh nicht an den Schalter, ich bin noch an der Leieieieieieiei!"
Ehemann: "Da Du schon fragst, Liebling: Ja, ich finde Deinen Hintern viel zu fett."
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das kann man ausbauen:
... eines Architekten bei einem Erdbeben: Ich habe dieses Haus entworfen! Wir haben nichts zu befürchten!
... eines Astronauten: Nein, nein, meine Luft reicht noch 'ne Viertelstunde.
... eines Atomphysikers:: Kritische Masse? Nie gehört....
... eines Ausbrechers: Die Leiter hängt jetzt fest!
... eines Autofahrers: Wenn das Schwein nicht abblendet, ich tue es auch nicht!
... eines Bademeisters: Halt durch. Ich rette dich.
... eines Baggerfahrers: Was ist das da unten denn für ein Metallzylinder? Mal nachsehen ...
... einer Airbus-Crew: Das Lämpchen da blinkt - ach vergessen wir's.
... eines AKW-Wartungsmechaniker: Kümmert euch nicht drum, das ist nur 'n Bug.
... eines Amiga Computers: Guru Meditation
... eines Anglers:: Länger als einen Meter werden die Welse hier nicht...
... eines Architekten: Mir fällt da gerade was ein...
... eines Ballonfahrers: "So nahe waren wir noch nie am Eiffelturm..."
... eines Bankräubers: So, die Alarmanlage ist abgeschaltet.
... eines Bärenjägers: "Na Kleines, wo ist denn deine Mami?"
... eines Beifahrers: Rechts ist frei!
... eines Bekloppten: Ich bin ein Vogel...
... eines Bergführers: Den letzten Erdrutsch gab es hier vor über 200 Jahren...
... eines Bergsteigers: Waren gar nicht mal teuer, diese Karabinerhaken...
... eines Betenden: "Dein Wille geschehe ..."
... eines Bungee-Jumpers: Hurraaaaaaaa!
... der Challenger-Crew: Lasst die Frau mal ans Steuer!
... des Chefs: Tolles Geschenk! - So ein Feuerzeug in Revolverform!
... eines Chemielehrers: Dieser Versuch ist völlig ungefährlich
... eines Chemikers: "Muss das warm werden ?"
... eines Chemikers: Das ist wirklich eine interessante Reak...
... eines Co-Piloten: Was meinst Du mit 'Ich hab vergessen zu tanken'?
... eines Computers: Sind Sie sicher? (J/N)
... eines Bettnässers: Mach mal die Heizdecke an...
... eines Biologen:: Die Schlange kenn ich, die ist nicht giftig.
... eines Blinden: Ist's schon grün?
... eines Blinden: "War der Bus schon da?"
... eines Bombenentschärfers: Ich knips mal das rote Kabel durch...
... eines Bombenentschärfers: Was tickt denn hier so?
... eines Briefträgers: Braves Hundchen...
... eines Computer-Freaks: Auf meinem Rechner gibt es keine Viren!
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THE WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend
and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one
little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful
younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very
tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She
would regularly bend down when she was near
me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to
be deliberate because she never did it when she was
near anyone else.
One day the 'little' sister called and asked me to
come over to check the wedding invitations. She was
alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she
had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't
overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once
before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if
you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go
up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned
and made a beeline straight to the front door. I
opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... and behold, my entire future family was standing
outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and
said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our
little test. We couldn't ask for a better
man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
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Was ist der Hauptvorteil von Fluggeräten mit rotierenden gegenüber denen mit festen Flügeln?
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.....oh weh, hoffentlich liest der Huchmampf nicht mit!
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scheiss grillparty:D
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hecken schneiden mal anders
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What a great idea.
The Russians are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners at the airports.They have a booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.
They see this as a win-win for everyone. There would be none of this junk about racial profiling. This would also eliminate the costs of a long and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift. Case closed!
This is so simple. Picture this: You're in the airport terminal. You hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system,
“Attention standby passengers – we now have a seat available on Flight Number 123.”Have fun with whatever you are doing; otherwise, try something else (;-}.
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Ein Typ gerät mit einem Japaner in Streit. Schliesslich will er ihn am Kragen packen, doch *paff* liegt er schon am Boden und murmelt erstaunt: "Was war denn das?" Drauf der Japaner grinsend: "Das kommt aus meiner Heimat und heisst Judo".
Der Typ, jetzt erst recht erbost, greift wieder an und *paff* liegt er wieder da und sieht Sterne. "Was war das denn?" - "Das kommt auch aus meiner Heimat und heisst Karate."
Wieder greift der Typ an und *PAFF* liegt der Japaner am Boden, sieht haufenweise Sterne und fragt erstaunt: "Ja was war das denn?" Drauf der Typ: "Das kommt auch aus deiner Heimat und heisst Wagenheber von meinem Honda!" -
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The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk.
The town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. They
brought the cow from Scotland. It was wonderful, produced lots of milk
every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd
never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried
to mount the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the
bull and he was never able to do the deed.
The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very
wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.
"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.
If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches
her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts from the one side, she
walks away to the other side."
The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking,
"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they
had brought the cow over from Scotland .
"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow
from Scotland?
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:
"My wife is from Scotland" -
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Eine Schwarzhaarige, eine Brünette und eine Blondine hören eines Abends, wie Einbrecher versuchen, die Haustür zu öffnen.
Die drei entscheiden sich, in den Keller zu gehen und sich in Säcken zu verstecken. Als die Einbrecher im Haus nichts finden, entdecken sie die offene Kellertür und gehen hinunter. Dort sehen sie die drei Säcke, und voller Neugier tritt einer gegen den ersten Sack, in dem sich die Schwarzhaarige befindet.
Die Schwarzhaarige: “Wau, wau!”
Einbrecher: “Ach, nur ein Köter.”
Der zweite Sack wird getreten.
Brünette: “Miau, miau!”
Einbrecher: “Ach, nur eine Katze.”
Der dritte Sack wird getreten.
Blondine: “Kartoffeln, Kartoffeln, Kartoffeln!” -
![:]](https://s2k.de/forum/wcf/images/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif "Freude"){kind=icon}
