...Humor...

    One dark night in the small town of Woopwoop, W.A, a fire started
    Inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.


    When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, 'All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me.'


    But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.


    Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Baringa volunteer fire department composed mainly of Aboriginal firefighters over the age of 65.


    To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Aboriginal firefighters, passed the fire engines parked outside the plant, and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Aboriginal old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives.. Within a short time, the Baringa old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.


    The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was raising the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Aboriginal firefighters.


    A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Aboriginal fire chief, 'What are you going to do with all that money?'
    'Well,' said Chief Billy Cokebottle, the 70-year-old fire chief, 'de first ting we gonnna do is fix dem brakes on dat farkin old truck, eh!!'

    Ein Student fällt bei der Klausur in »Logistik + Organisation« durch.



    Student: »Sie bestrafen mich? Verstehen Sie überhaupt etwas davon?«
    Professor: »Ja, sicher, sonst wäre ich nicht Professor!«


    Student: »Gut, ich will Sie etwas fragen, wenn Sie die richtige Antwort geben, nehme ich meinen Fünfer und gehe. Wenn Sie jedoch die Antwort nicht wissen, geben Sie mir eine Eins.«
    Professor: »Wir machen das Geschäft.«



    Student: »Was ist legal aber nicht logisch, logisch aber nicht legal und weder logisch noch legal?« Der Professor kann ihm auch nach langem Überlegen keine Antwort geben und gibt ihm eine Eins.



    Danach ruft der Professor seinen besten Studenten und gibt ihm die gleiche Frage.


    Dieser antwortet sofort: »Sie sind 63 Jahre alt und mit einer 35-jährigen Frau verheiratet, dies ist legal, jedoch nicht logisch. Ihre Frau hat einen 25-jährigen Liebhaber, dies ist zwar logisch aber nicht legal. Sie geben dem Liebhaber Ihrer Frau eine Eins, obwohl er durchgefallen wäre, das ist weder logisch, noch legal.«

    Email von einem arabischen Studenten aus Berlin an seinen Vater:


    Lieber Papa,


    Berlin ist eine wundervolle Stadt, die Leute sind sehr nett und freundlich... ich fühle mich sehr wohl hier. Mir ist es nur etwas peinlich mit meinem Ferrari 599 GTB aus massivem Gold in die Uni zu fahren, wo fast alle Lehrer und Kollegen mit dem Zug kommen.


    Dein Sohn Nasser




    Am nächsten Tag, kriegt Nasser eine Antwort von seinem Vater:


    Mein Lieber Sohn,


    Ich habe 200 Millionen Dollar auf dein Konto überwiesen. Mach uns nicht lächerlich, du gehst sofort und kaufst dir auch einen Zug.


    In Liebe, Papa.

    These are entries to a Washington Post competition ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:


    1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
    Marrying you has screwed up my life.

    2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
    That's why I always wake up screaming.

    3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
    This describes everything you are not.

    4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
    But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

    5. I thought that I could love no other
    -- that is until I met your brother...

    6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
    But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

    7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
    But don't take that paper bag off your face.

    8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
    Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

    9. My love, you take my breath away.
    What have you stepped in to smell this way?

    10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
    Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

    11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
    Two parts vodka, one part lime.

    WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING?

    Zitat

    Original von Q-Treiber
    Ich habe da so ein Geräusch beim Fahren...


    KLICK


    ...der Oberhammer! :o 8o :o :thumbup:

    "You all know me. Know how I earn a living. I'll catch this Honda for you, but it's not going to be easy... Bad car. Not like going down the pond catching bluegills and tommycocks. This S2K... swallow you whole. Shaking. Tenderizing. Down you go."

    No insult intended to those of us with blonde hair, these are just
    plain funny !!!


    Here we go-- blonde jokes....





    DISNEYLAND



    Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the
    Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They
    started crying and turned around and went home.



    FLORIDA OR MOON
    Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one
    blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida
    or the moon?'
    The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida
    ?????'


    CAR
    TROUBLE
    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
    died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
    She says, 'What's the story?'
    He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
    She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'


    SPEEDING
    TICKET
    A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if
    he could see her license.
    She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
    Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
    show it to you!'


    RIVER
    WALK
    There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
    another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I
    get to the other side?'
    The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts
    back, 'You ARE on the other side.'


    AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
    A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her
    body hurt wherever she touched it.
    'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
    The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed,
    then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee
    and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she
    touched made her scream.
    The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
    'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
    'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'


    KNITTING
    A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
    Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
    wheel was knitting!
    Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the
    trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
    'PULL OVER!'
    'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'


    BLONDE
    ON THE SUN
    A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
    The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
    The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
    The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The
    Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
    'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the
    Russian.
    To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at
    night!'


    IN A
    VACUUM
    A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night...
    It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
    Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
    can you hear it?'
    She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'


    FINALLY,
    THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
    A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
    and asked her what their names were.
    The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was
    named Timex.


    Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'


    'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!

    WHO IS JACK SCHITT?
    >
    > For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
    >
    > We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt'!
    > Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual
    > way.
    >
    > Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer
    > magnate, who married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They
    > had one son, Jack.
    >
    > In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple
    > produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt,
    > and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
    >
    > Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high
    > school dropout.
    > After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
    > Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with
    > them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt
    > Sherlock.
    >
    > Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a
    > rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six
    > children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout
    > childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
    > The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens
    > nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
    >
    > Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
    > He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
    >
    > Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt', you can correct them.
    >
    > Sincerely,
    > Crock O. Schitt